Tuesday, November 10, 2015

"Those wonderful ruby windows"

A quick update:We decided this month to not continue with preschool for our 3 year old. I thought it would be a lot harder of an adjustment, but really it's been rather wonderful! I genuinely have been enjoying these last ten days. Just two months in preschool really has sent her into the ranks of being such a "big girl". She just seems to have matured, and having her home has been sweet.

 My husband and I don't feel at all like we regret the decision to try preschool, we do feel like those two months were a blessing! But we realized as the weeks went on that it wasn't the best fit for Emmy. She just needs to be home, playing with her Little People, and her little sister, and reading lots of books with her mom.

So we are experimenting with some *very light* homeschooling things and enjoying staying inside on cozy Fall days like today. Most of all, I feel like I am just figuring out a new rhythm for our days.

So, that's why I've only written two blog posts so far! I like knowing it is sitting here on my computer, waiting for inspiration and time for writing. This blog started with the mind-set of being a place to record the details of my quest to make things again, and I do still hope for that! But for a while, it will just be motherly ramblings. So, here I go;) -

One main thing that has been a hard adjustment for me in motherhood, (especially when a second child arrived!) has been figuring out what it looks like to have time with God. My favorite way to start the day since my early adult days, is with a hot mug of something and my Bible open. I have struggled with anxiety and depression through the years and I can remember as a single girl how my first waking thought was to run to the Lord who speaks to His children through His Word. I have found such solace there.

Fast-forward 6 years!

While I had been able to make Bible reading in the mornings and naptimes work for my oldest's first two years of life...an infant's (not)sleeping schedule was added to our life, and then Big Sister dropped her nap soon after...together, these things made it seem impossible to rise early, before my children. To make a very long story short- I have felt so lost without my morning time with the Lord!

I'd been pretty discouraged about this until recently, when I've heard from some other Moms -who have survived been through these first little years with children- that this is a pretty normal thing. Time with the Lord just looks different in this season of life.

So, this week, I've been attempting to have my "quiet" time right there in the middle of the chaos of our mornings. I have even been able to tell my oldest daughter that Mommy *needs* to read her Bible, and how great it would be if she could play nicely with her sister while I do that! Once this week, I overheard her pretending with her dolls, telling them that she was "having some time with Jesus." :}

I have memories of waking up in the morning as a teenager, and seeing my Mom's Bible wide open on the kitchen table.  It really meant a lot to me! I can remember thinking "This is how my Mom begins her day." And now that I'm a Mom, I wonder how much time she actually had to read it! But just the fact that it was open each morning spoke volumes to my teenage heart.

God used my Mom's open Bible! That encourages me for this season. I want my Bible to be open, even if I don't have as much time and brain-space to pour over it's pages as I have in season's past.

While I do miss having a longer stretch of time, I am reminded of the loaves and fish! Jesus can multiply a mother's rest, and a mother's alone time in His Word, and make it enough to serve her family.And what a difference it has made in my day!

Really, it hasn't been anything too exciting. I am reading through the book of Psalms, usually with at least one child in my lap or on my leg, and I usually have forgotten exactly what I read by lunch time;)

,But there is just the awareness that I've begun my day with the Lord. Opening my Bible sets my face towards Him, and directs my thoughts toward His. Even if it was just 4 minutes(!) ,the day has begun with a fresh awareness of God's eternal truths, and of His involvement in my day. And what could be an overwhelming and stressful day of child-rearing, now can be filled with "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,"

In Eternity, I'll have all the time in the world to bask in His presence. And because of Jesus, I can experience that in a small measure now, even as I wash dishes and sweep up millions of crumbs.

As I read this morning from Susannah Spurgeon
 in her meditations on Psalm 139 a couple hundred years ago: 
[Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, 
thou understands my thoughts afar off. 
Psalm 139:2]

 " Happy are you, my soul , if you know that God looks through Jesu's wounds' on you, and through those wonderful ruby windows sees you so changed and beautiful that He can say 'Thou art all fair my love, there is no spot in thee.' 

'My downsitting and mine uprising', Lord, do you love me so much as to watch tenderly over me in such small matters? How the thought comforts me!

We do not care about the details of the everyday life of strangers: but when we love anyone very dearly, we take great interest in all that concerns them; and even so, my God, this searching, knowing, understanding, compassion, besetting, laying of your hand upon me, are all most precious tokens to me of your indescribable love. "

& Psalm 25, 
the perfect morning prayer for a Mother of little ones.
" Make me to know your ways, O Lord;teach me your paths. 
Lead me in your truth and teach me, 
for you are the God of my salvation; 
 for you I wait all the day long. 

 Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, 
 for they have been from of old. 
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; 
according to your steadfast love remember me, 
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord;therefore he instructs sinners in the way. 
He leads the humble in what is right,and teaches the humble his way. 

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, "